dinsdag 5 juli 2011

midnight in paris

It's midnight and I should be sleeping. I should be sleeping, but I am not.

I had a wonderful evening with the girls. We went for drinks in the Florian, a small pub nearby, while the sun went down and the sky started fading. We drank some beer - except for me, I took a Canada Dry, since I was expecting an important phonecall and I didn't want to be cloudy when he heard my voice. We had dinner in a classic Italian rooftop-restaurant, and finished our meals with Irish coffee and chocolate chip coockies. Even before our food had arrived, my phone rang. My heart skipped a beat, I stood up, I walked calm and steadily to the toilets, they were nearby, I had checked it before, and finally, I picked up the phone. "Hi, Sofie speaking", I said steadily, knowing who was on the other side of the line.

We had the conversation I waited for for days, at the right time, the right place, the right moment. I hadn't been ready for it at all, but strangely, once my phone rang, I knew what I had to do: I had to be honest, kind and clear. I said, firmly: "We should talk, soon. I'd like to find out if my ambitions match your expectations". A good phrase for a girl of my age, good enough to make some impression on a businessman twice my age, and a lifetime of experience. 

The sea is calm, I am at peace. I haven't made my decision yet, but I am quite close and I feel fine. As long you don't choose, everything remains possible. Soon, I'll have to choose, but it doesn't even botter me that much. I am ready for a change, for a fall, for anything but the obvious. I feel like jumping, flying, discovering the world all over again. I feel like exploring, I feel like - me. I feel fine. It feels good to be able and to have the opportunity to choose again, autonomous. It feels good to be me, to take the lead and tumble down. I feel fine, I am not afraid, I am at ease, calm and content. Life is good. Life is full of opportunities, and it is up to me to make the most of it - not even the most, but - it is up to me to figure out what suits me best.

I am very well surrounded. Thank God I have those girls. Not only the girls in the pub, or at the restaurant, but also those on location, those who remind me of me and make me feel like I belong there. Thank God they support me, when noone else does. Life is about making choices. Not even the right ones - in the end, it doesn't even matter. It does, but the day you look back, things are allready done, like a famous author used to say: "Life is a painting that isn't finished till the day you die". He must be right.

my feet touch the ground

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