donderdag 29 september 2011


14:50 - it is extremely busy at the office. I asked for more responsability, and now I am being the kick-ass lawyer you sometimes see in movies. Not really, actually, but "kind of", it makes me dazzle on my feet and sweat behind my desk.

Since my head is so filled with work, I tend to forget about myself, my boyfriend and other aspects of life. I guess it's unhealthy, but it feels good to focus and forget, to move forth and fade. I do long for the weekend, two days of doing nothing, being with friends, stay up late and enjoy the sunshine. The weather is great these days, but I haven't really managed to get out of the office.

I did saw a movie the other night, "Crazy Stupid Love". It made me laugh, it made me smile, it made me happy. Life isn't comparable to movies, but it's nice to witness a happy ending from time to time.

Tonight I might go to a pub, if work allows it. I do look forward seeing my friends again, but at the same time I am so tired I could easily go to bed the minute I come home.

Last night, I saw this video on TED, titled "try something new for 30 days". Google engineer Matt Cutts talks about things he has always wanted to do, meant to do, but never really did. It kindly surprised me: he made it seem so easy to change your life, or at least small parts of it, by doing them for 30 days.

So I agreed with myself on a sustainable small change, which is "going to bed early". It sounds silly, and I am only 3 days far, but I already feel like I have achieved something big. Next month, I might try "stop eating candy before bedtime". That's a hard one, I know.

Well, that's it for now (I might as well call this blog "life for dummies"). Cheers! 

woensdag 28 september 2011


I am sweet and young and cute, or at least, that is what people tell me. I could be a sixties icon, with my hair held up and my eyes perfectly painted (black). I could be, but I'm not. I'm a lawyer. A very young lawyer, an oldschool playmate. I want - it all. I want to fly, far above the world as we know it, I want to fall, deeper than you ever fell before. I want it all. Take me, try me, screw me, drug me, love me, hate me - as long as it's real, make it feel true. But please don't you ever, don't you never ever, leave me. I promise you, I'll be good, not as good as you, but at least as good as me, and even though I am difficult, I am also a lot of fun, so please my darling baby, don't you ever leave me. Love me, like me, be good and be bad, be you, be young and free, be careless as a bee, fly high in the sky and be my favourite guy, above all, be real, be my oh my sweet deal, be true, be free, and for tonight: please dance with me.

maandag 26 september 2011

making choices - for dummies

I finally figured some things out. So I made a little list, named "How to make choices - for dummies". I'm happy to share it with you.

It sounds cliché, but it's quite the mastertrick. In the end, you almost always know in advance what you are going to do, you just didn't realise it yet.

Because in the end, you probably won't listen to him anyway. It doesn't matter that much what he thinks, since you have to live life in your own way and by your own rules. By doing so, he will only love you more, since you appear to be smart and confident in planning ahead and making your own decisions.

(Unless he's the kind of boy that holds your hand at night and makes all of your daytime dreams come true - in that case, he'll probably be able to figure out all things at once by planning One Big Common Future. In that case, you're lucky)

She's most of the time right. I mean it.

Don't move. As long as you don't choose, everything remains possible. Time will come and time will tell you what to do, eventually. The only thing you need is trust, not even faith, but TRUST. Most of the big issues in life figure themselves out, eventually.

Most of the time, making choices sucks. You win some, you lose some; you go forth, you fall behind. In the end, it is very important to keep on smiling. When smiling, we release endorphins and serotonin, which makes us feel happy. It boosts our immune system and it lowers our blood pressure. Above all, smiling is contagious. So whatever whenever and where-ever you go, don't you ever forget to SMILE.

(Unless something very bad happens, offcourse)

donderdag 22 september 2011

is life about love

or just about feelings?

(imagine - it might be all a mistake, you know)

(it might be about nothing more than fiction and feelings)


Maybe real love doesn't exist. Maybe we're all trying to act as if we love, as if we live, as if we do. We do (I do). But what does it actually mean?

Last night, I saw this movie about - I'd love to say love, but it was more about intimate affairs, endless intriges and bad behaviour. Broken marriages and reckless, romantic gestures. It made me think - to what does it all lead? Are we meant to be together, or is love just a fancy fairytale?

Actually, I know the answer. Love has got nothing to do with biology. It's about facts, frameworks and fragments of a future. A future together.

Of course the moment counts, it counts for all, but these days we might be looking for something more steady, something related to security, safety and strength. Or that's what I'm looking for, at least. I admit: I am. I do.

Love is more than a sequel of stories, a mindset of moments. It has to be thoughtful and true, but also shameless and pure. It has to make you feel safe and warm, and above all, forever.

At least that's what I think it should be. Why else do all the effort?

(You're right. Because it's fun.)

woensdag 21 september 2011


Ik woon weer op mijn kinderkamer, wat is het leven zoet. In een doos vond ik een wegwerpcamera, mooi verpakt, klaar voor gebruik. Ik heb hem op zak. Foto 1/27 is gemaakt, nog 26 foto's te gaan. LOOKING FORWARD.

Ik werk, woon en leef. Ik schrijf, dans en denk. Ik probeer te mediteren voor ik ga slapen, maar betrap mezelf erop dat ik dit vaker vervang door MAD MEN en vanille-ijs. Het doet er niet toe (zeg ik dan maar), life goes on. De wekker gaat vroeg, en papa dekt de tafel. Het is fijn om weer in een gezin te wonen, in een familie, met een broer en mijn piano en al mijn kleren in 1 kast. I LIKE.

Het zal vast weer gaan stormen, binnenkort, wanneer dit alles weer gewoon is en niet meer verrassend, als tevoren. Maar dat is nog niet nu, dat is voor later, voorlopig is het prima zo.

Misschien ga ik wel vlaggetjes hangen in de tuin, of ballonnen in de bomen. Het is fijn om ergens thuis te komen, om de tafel te dekken en op te staan, in een huis vol mensen die er zoveel toe doen.

Dank daarvoor, om weet ik veel wat, aan weet ik veel wie. 

maandag 19 september 2011

and also

go fresh

about dreams and dresses

So, a new header and a new banner, that's where my words left me. Besides that, nothing really happened. Nothing big, at least. 

Actually - now I think of it - some big things did happen. A friend of mine got married, and another one is going to marry in October. Even my brother is getting married, he picked a date mid-December. Quite a fuzz, a lot of white dresses and enthusiastic girlfriends. It makes me think of me, from "will I ever wear that kind of dress", to "do I actually want to wear that kind of dress", to "well, whatever - in the mean time I'll just buy other nice dresses". I don't really care for now, since I am happy with my life and even more happy to go to all my friends' fresh-planned weddings.

OK, actually, honestly, I did allready look for my own weddingdress:

Nice, isn't it?

It is.

Quite expensive too.

I guess I'll just get back to work and save some money, so I can buy all the other nice dresses I see before the day that might, or might not, actually ever come.