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woensdag 19 oktober 2011

stitches

I fell on rocks and I broke my heart. Now I have stitches and it hurts, if I move, if I walk, whatever.

I hate my job. I kind of figured that out by now. I do, I hate it. It's stupid. I wish I could spit on it.

In two weeks, I will be leaving for Vienna. I feel happy and relieved, ready to dive into anything but work, anywhere but here.

Meanwhile, I am working on my next big masterplan. It's kind of a secret, up to now, but I am very excited about it. It involves moving and melting, living and learning. Leaving, too.

Who knows where I'll end up, eventually. For now, what matters most is what happens in between. Vienna, for example, and visiting friends, family gatherings, freetime fun. For once and for all, and for old time sake.



zondag 9 oktober 2011

autumnblues

Stay hungry, stay foolish. And in the end - connect the dots (Steve Jobs).

It's a lazy sunday-afternoon and I am staring at the ceiling. I hear nothing but the rain on my roof and some far away music. Growing up is the weirdest thing that ever happened to me (or should I say the hardest?). I smile, I work, I dance and I play - I am. I am being the girl that I am supposed to be. I must admit, I am pretty good at it. 

I probably shouldn't worry that much. According to Buddhism, everything's fine, as long as I keep on breathing. What you feel, isn't for real, it's only a fragile framework of sensations. According to the Beatles, nothing's wrong either: if "all you need is love", I am pretty wel set.

When I was sixteen-something, I played the piano for hours and hours, all day long. I haven't played in a while now, but these days, I feel like playing. It makes me feel safe and solid, lost in sound.

I might be having a random autumnblues, while leaves fall off and trees turn red. I guess I'll just keep on playing the piano, and listen to the rain on my roof.

I will be happy again, soon. I can almost feel it. 

(this is me playing the piano)


(this is the song I am listening to)


woensdag 5 oktober 2011

i feel

PLANELY LOVELY (FULLY LOADED) LONELY - I feel like playing piano all day, wearing nothing but pyjamas. I feel like saving the world before bedtime, instead of dreaming of another world. It's extremely busy at the office. People fight. People fight all the time. Most of the time, it's about money. Sometimes, it's about love. But rarely, it really matters.

WHATEVER/NEVERMIND - I guess I need a good night of sleep, and a weekend far away from the office. I booked a trip to Vienna, in the beginning of November. I am very excited about it. I am going to visit some friends who live there, a young couple with a two year old daughter. Also, I am going to visit someone I hardly know, but who knew me when I was five. He built his own house in Vienna, with a friend, inbetween parks, grass and greenery. I am quite sure it is going to be amazing. So I am counting down.

(counting down to get lost)