vrijdag 29 maart 2013


So I left this morning in a rush. We didn’t finish our morning appetite, I didn’t have time to do my hair properly, I was running late for class, or at least I thought I was.

After class, I ran to JJ’s, the coffee place, where I was supposed to meet him. He’s not here, he might be at the library, I’m not sure - I miss him already. I’d love to talk to him, see him, walk towards him with my favorite smile, I would love to look into his eyes, get lost in the way he makes me feel, like yesterday – 

So I asked for a tall French guy, blond, about 1.85 meter high – but they didn’t see him, or at least not this morning. So here I am, waiting. 

(Minutes later) He arrived. Tall, blond, providing me with the best smile ever and a story to tell. My love, I’m so proud of you. Sitting at our table, holding hands and hearts together. My darling, I love you so. 

zondag 24 maart 2013

future perfect

Idea: write a book

Timing: when I’m pregnant

Title: “On Being Pregnant & Becoming Mom”

About: A practical (& emotional) guide for starter moms

Goal: being published

Future perspectives: to write more books, maybe a sequel, on being mom and wife in modern times.

I’ll be writing, then, and partially working in fashion or the creative industry. I’ll be taking care of my family by being home on time, cooking meals in the evening and breakfast in the morning. I will be hosting weekend parties for far away friends, I will be making love to my husband at least 3 times a week. I will, most of all, be happy.

In my writing, I can include things I learned from living life in practice: how to cook for a family, how to host dinner parties while kids run around the house, how to combine being a mom with being a wife, a princess at night and mother in the morning. It might be impossible, but it is definitely worth a try.

The introduction of my book will probably be – this. I could include ads or promote my work through various channels, using my broad network of friends, family and fans. I will report on restaurants I visit, bars I go to, or sporting clubs, on terms of their child-friendliness, hospitality and infrastructure. Most of all, I want it to be an emotional guide through life as we live it. I want to share my ideas about motherhood, personhood and lifestyle. I want to make things a little bit easier, funny and fabulous for females. “How to be female, fabulous and friendly?” could be another chapter.    

zaterdag 23 maart 2013

life happens

Some things hurt and some things will never be the same. I want to have a baby. One, two, three. I want to have a baby and take care of it with all my heart and be a mom, a cute young mom with loads of time and responsibility and love, most of all love, to give and take.
I used to believe in fairy tales. Then, I learned that life goes differently. Things happen. Life happens. Now, I start to dream again. I feel so different than before. I feel so loaded, plainly loved and loaded, I feel like conquering the world with my two small hands, arm-with apart. I feel like loving, caring, inspiring, while being inspired by all that’s happening in front of me.
Life happens. But I do believe I make things happen, too. Maybe most of all: we do. We make things happen, in our own fashionable way.
I don’t even need to conquer the world, anymore. I want to be a mom, not yet a wife but a decent, high-level girlfriend, I need to learn how to cook (better) and how to live stress-free, so I can give all that’s left to those who surround me. I think that would be a pretty good deal. I might need to ask my boyfriend whether he’s up for that. I’m quite sure he is. I think we will conquer the world on our own terms, one day. It might be true: the best is yet to come.

vrijdag 22 maart 2013

only love

And suddenly
everything seems possible
My future might become 
everything I ever dreamed of

I’m in love. 

And where you invest your love
you invest your life. 

With love. 

vrijdag 15 maart 2013

oh my love

Life is perfect.

I'm in love with the most wonderful man on earth. He makes me feel happy, loved, lovely and free. We have time. We have time to think and time to talk, time to discover whatever dreams we might share and which road we prefer. I’m in love. I’m confident, strong, and madly in love. He makes me dazzle on my feet, he makes my wildest dreams come true. He gives me strength, confidence, trust and trustworthiness. I would put my heart in his hands and go for a walk. I would give anything for his touch, his presence and his attitude. He fits me perfectly, and he’s mine.

I still need to figure out what I’ll do with the rest of my life, of course. But everything feels so much lighter, so much brighter, when shared. I’m quite sure it will be perfectly fine, together.

I’m in love. I’m finally ready to give in, to reach out, to forget what is lost and to move forward, to what’s new. It is new, exciting, vintage and colorful. Still, it feels familiar, almost comfortable, as if I couldn’t imagine life without him by my side. If anything, it won't be grey. And it's getting better, every day.  


donderdag 14 maart 2013

blue sky

It is not easy, but I'm improving every day. I am still very tired, less productive and distracted, but I do manage to get some work done. I can pay attention in class, at least for half an hour and I do remember better whatever one has said. I remember details, again. Numbers, hours, places and people. I see less of the bigger picture, but I do remember the inside story. 

It’s probably most of all a matter of time. Time, work, discipline and attention. I have slept for 4 hours, but I did get up at 7 for my 8 AM class. I should be easy on myself, take it day by day. I still have months to prepare before I have to be on top-speed, again. For now, I'm fine. I’m feeling better every day, regaining attention, happiness, love and friendship. The sky is blue. Life, I’m loving it.


zondag 3 maart 2013

mon coeur

So I thought about it really thoroughly. My education, my childhood, my parents, my environment – It all made me who I am, for better or for worse. As much as I try to understand why some things happened, why some things went wrong, I can’t seem to understand the final clue. Fact is that I ended up pretty fine. I think that’s what matters most, eventually. I'm quite sure I will do some things differently, one day. At least, I will try. We all have a chance at doing things better. I’d love to take mine.