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vrijdag 5 april 2013

stronger now

Time goes by and then things change. Now already, I’m saying goodbye to the past, welcoming a new future. Any future. 
Time goes fast. I spent a year in the United States, living my dream. Today, it's almost over. Sometimes, I’m afraid. I wasn’t afraid to come here – I was full of energy, like a rock star, ready for the road. Being here, I learned a lot. Most of all, I learned that I shouldn’t be afraid. I’ll get there, and while doing so, I am there, too. I should enjoy my daily living, instead of worrying about the future, the past, or today. I should focus more on what’s happening now, instead of worrying for what’s about to come. It will all be fine.
Also, I learned to rely on myself, more than I did before. I learned to trust my heart, instead of my head, and honestly, it led to some awesome opportunities. I still try to go to bed early, to avoid processed food, to drink less diet drinks and to ease on the chewing gum. I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. I am – definitely – too hard on myself. I spoil happy moments by judging myself on my looks, my behavior, my feel – even though I’m quite pretty and honestly feeling fine. 
Maybe the most important part is realizing all of this – putting it in my backpack on my way home. I don’t feel like going home. It’s too early – I still need to consolidate all that I’ve learned and learn more, every day. There's so much to discover. There’s a time for everything – this is the time to say goodbye. I’m terribly afraid of the demons out there, the bad memories and the good and the people, the events, even the fun. I needed a change. Now, I need to make sure that some things will change. 
Actually, nothing can go wrong. It can only be better than before. Different, but better.


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